Katie's Story

Lillian’s birth story began on Sunday, April 13^th 2003 at 10 am, eleven days past my due date. I had just returned from a two mile walk with my mother when I had a gush of fluid. I wasn’t sure what it was, and since contractions didn’t start right away, I went along with my day. Several times throughout the day I had small leaks of fluid. After consulting with my doula, Lisa, we decided that I should contact the midwife to determine whether she thought my water had broken. I talked with Mary, one of my midwives, around 5 pm and she was “99% sure” that my water had indeed broken. We discussed that I would have until 10 am on the 14^th until I would need to go to the hospital to get a dose of antibiotics. I called my other doula, Julia to let her know that labor was finally imminent. So, we continued to wait for the contractions. We went to bed. At 2 am I decided to try some nipple stimulation to get contractions going. After an hour and a half, I had established a consistent pattern of contractions about 5 minutes apart. At 4 am I woke my husband and sent my mom upstairs to tend to Ashley should she awaken. At 4:30 am I called Lisa to give her time to get her kids and husband ready for the day before things picked up. By 5:30 am contractions were 3 minutes apart lasting about 45 seconds and I was having to concentrate through them. We called Julia at 6:30 am. Bradley’s mom arrived around 7 am to take my mom and Ashley to her house to wait for the birth announcement. Amazingly, Ashley slept through the entire night for the first time in months. She didn’t even get up until around 7:30 am. By that time, Lisa was already here and I was ready to retreat into my bedroom to concentrate on the labor. Julia arrived a few minutes after my mom, Ashley and my mother-in-law left. I labored for a while on the birth ball and then rested on the bed through a few contractions. As they continued to intensify, I decided to try the shower for a while. The shower helped relax me and I enjoyed a sucker while in there. After the shower I got out and was squatting through some contractions and at some point I began to moan through them. Lisa fixed me a cup of tea with honey to help keep me hydrated and to have some energy. My support team was wonderful. Bradley was rubbing my back, Lisa my feet and Julia cooling my face with a wet washcloth.

It was a little after 9 am when we decided that we should head to the hospital. The contractions were about 2 minutes apart lasting about a minute at that point. I was clearly uncomfortable. The ride to the hospital was difficult as I was having to concentrate in the very back seat of the van while dealing with bumps, starts and stops during the close contractions. Julia was helping me breath and quietly and calmly talked me through those contractions. I barely remember going through the hospital up to the third floor. I recall having to wait a few minutes in the waiting area before they took me to my labor room. Our nurse, Briar, did an initial strip on me while I sat on the ball. Mary came in and we discussed whether we could wait on the antibiotics if I was close enough. We were all a little surprised, or at least I was, to find out that I was only 1 centimeter dilated and about 90% effaced. The baby was low, though, at zero station. I chose to not be discouraged at that point, especially since Mary said we could wait on the antibiotics.  I suddenly was very hungry. I snacked on some crackers, trail mix and grape juice. Then abruptly things intensified quickly. I got into the shower to try to take the edge off which helped tremendously. I recall that with the light off, I was able to focus on the rhythm of the water on my belly and the sound of the water falling instead of the contractions. I would moan through them, but was lost in the sound and sensation of the water. Some time later, Lisa came in and suggested that we get out and walk around a while. That was really the absolute last thing I wanted to do but I trusted her judgment. I got my nightgown and shoes on and we went out to walk the halls for a few minutes. During contractions I would pause and squat, supporting myself with the handrails along the wall. I remember thinking that the contractions were hard, painful, but bearable. I could do this. We did one circuit around the labor and delivery floor and I wanted to go back into the room to put my socks on. Briar needed to do another heart rate check on the baby, too. I got up the courage to do one more lap around the halls. This time, as the contractions began, I found myself falling to my hands and knees. The whole hospital staff was quite concerned about the floor being so dirty. I just remember being irritated that they were bothering me. Julia got a towel for me to put on the floor. When we got back to the room I wanted to lie down for a while. I tried to relax through the contractions but they were beginning to overtake me. I think I got back into the shower at that point and again was able to calm down some, focusing on the sound and sensation of the water. Briar checked the heart rate at some point while I was in the shower and I remember feeling grateful that she was willing to get all wet to check me. This time I suggested getting out. Things began to get a little blurry at this point. I think Lisa suggested that I labor on the ball for a while. I remember wanting to just lie back and go to sleep. At some point I began to growl through the contractions, grunting. I had turned inside myself at this point. I remember thinking I was a tiger, in a den, and I was pacing the floor and being very agitated at whomever was at the opening of the cave. It was a bright day outside the cave. I paced, I growled. I stared at that bright opening. Then I remember Bradley sitting behind me, supporting me as I lay back. Lisa and Julia were ever present as they assisted throughout the labor, knowing just what would help at each moment. I remember a calm coming at one point around here where I suddenly became very emotional. I was overwhelmed with love for my husband, working with me through every contraction, feeling every pain I felt, providing me with the love, affection and support I so needed. I remember leaning back with tears in my eyes and telling him that I loved him. It is a very cherished memory from this birth for me.

It was suggested that I try to work through some of the contractions leaning forward on the back of the bed, in a semi-kneeling position. It was sometime around here when I remember getting overwhelmed with the fact that the pain never stopped. I was having intense contractions very close together with equally intense cramping in between. The pain was focused in my lower abdomen and the thought entered my mind that I was rupturing. I got scared. I panicked. I began saying in earnest that I couldn’t do this anymore. My labor team tried to reassure me that I could and that I was. I wasn’t listening. We decided to have Mary check me again. Surely I was in transition…it would be over soon. Unfortunately for my confidence, I was only 3 centimeters. I shut down. I would do this no more. They put me back into the shower, straddling the shower stool.  I began flailing and screaming, or at least I thought I did. I was scared. I begged for it to be over. I demanded the epidural. Bradley worked so hard to convince me what a great job I was doing. Then Julia came in. Then Mary. I was angry, scared, panicked. I couldn’t do this. I needed to rest, to go to sleep. I needed the pain to stop, even just for a few minutes. I remember telling Bradley to take down the sign that was on the door stating that we were having an unmedicated birth. I very clearly and coherently told him that he wasn’t listening to me. I NEEDED a break. I was self destructing. Mary suggested Stadol instead. I agreed. I wanted it NOW. They got me out of the shower and onto the bed. I continued to scream, flail, panic within myself. The pain was unbearable. I wasn’t coping. I couldn’t relax. I demanded the medicine. I accused Mary of sending the nurse away. Where was my relief? Why didn’t anyone care? I fell into self pity in the midst of all of the emotion. Mary checked me again…almost four centimeters. The room felt triumphant, I felt defeated. I demanded the break. Finally, the relief came. I waited for it to take affect. Then, finally, sleep. Or sort of. I remember the pain was still intensely there, but I could escape from it for a little while. I shut my mind off. I watched the labor as a spectator, like as a dream. Things were quiet. I was able to cope again. Then the pain came back, or at least I returned to reality. I wanted more drugs. I wanted to go back to sleep. Then somehow, somewhere in the back of my mind, I told myself that I got what I had asked for…a break. I WAS coping again. I could do this. I needed to do this. I had my support team. I needed to give them a chance to help me. I never looked back after that point. I told myself I could do it.

Mary checked me again. In an hour and a half I had gone from almost four centimeters to eight! I was doing it. My body was responding. The break was indeed what I needed. I felt charged. Transition…I could do it. I wasn’t scared anymore. I again got into the semi-squat position leaning against the back of the bed. The urge! It was unreal. I had to push. But I was only eight centimeters. I didn’t ask anyone. I had to push. I grunted through the peak as I gently pushed through the urge. It was animalistic. I couldn’t hold back. I wouldn’t. It was happening. She was coming and I was going to help her. She was asking me to help her. No one else knew better than her. I pushed. I turned completely within myself at this point. I couldn’t tell you who was in the room or what was going on. It was just me and my baby. We were finally working together. At some point Mary asked me to turn around into a semi-sit position on the bed. She wanted to check me. When I looked up, the room had been set up for the delivery. I suddenly realized how incredibly close we were. I got really excited. I was almost completely dilated, with a small anterior lip. Mary asked if she could help push the cervix aside on the next contraction. I don’t remember saying yes or no, I just went along with what my body said. She was successful at removing the lip and pushing began in earnest now for the rest of the room. I remember that once I got into the new position, the urge was noticeably less, if not gone all together. But I still seemed to know when to push. It was much harder in that position. I couldn’t get any traction. But I pushed. I felt the baby’s head with my hand. It was so close! They set up the mirror for me to see. I watched with wonder at how quickly her head emerged to crowning. Then the sting distracted me. Wow! I was grateful for Lisa coaching me to push through the burn. I was retracting until her encouragement gave me the confidence I needed to continue. Julia was cooling my face and Bradley was ever present. My team was there for me, rooting me on. It was wonderful. But the head just stayed there. Like it was stuck. I couldn’t get it out. I pushed and pushed and pushed. The room began to echo, “PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!” I tuned it out. I couldn’t keep up that pace. I pushed when I could. I tried my best. I remember Lisa telling me to push with my bottom and not my face. It helped but was still hard with the echo in my ears. Finally, the head came out. I felt dizzy. “Push again!” Were they crazy? What do you mean, “push the shoulders out now?” Don’t they just slide out after the head? So I pushed, pushed, pushed. Finally, she slithered out. Phew! Wow! There she was, all blue. No sound. I wasn’t worried, I was just surprised at how blue she was! Ah, a cry. Beautiful! She was laid on my stomach. “Rub her back,” they said. But what was Mary doing? Oh my! Look at all that blood. It was spurting out of me. Mary was sweating, she was working hard. I watched in the mirror. Oh yeah, my new baby is on my chest, rub her back. “Do nipple stim.” “Start pitocin. Give her the methergen.” I tried to rub the baby’s back, do nipple stim, look at the baby, and watch in the mirror. I couldn’t do it all. So I watched Mary. My very large placenta came easily. The bleeding continued. A resident doctor came in. She and Mary were doing something down there. The room finally began to relax. The bleeding was controlled. Mary had done an incredible job. She was present when needed and absent when not. She was willing to go against the standards to best meet my needs. She challenged my demands for the drugs but stood by my side when I persisted. She was calm, competent, and exactly what I needed. She was great!

A deep breath. Hugs. We had done it! A VBAC!!! There she was, our little Lilly. I had done it, we had done it. Fourteen hours of incredibly intense labor. The room came back into focus. I had some juice. Phew. It was over.  

Please send your birth story to Lara@ABetterChildbirth.com.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Copyright 2002 A Better Childbirth, Inc.