Melissa's Story

"Third Time's the Charm"

Homebirth was something I knew I wanted to try for over a year before the conception of my third child.  After an "emergency" c-section (most likely unnecessary) with my first baby and natural VBAC with my second (again in the hospital), I was determined to have a birth experience in which the baby and I, not some arbitrary rules of the medical establishment or the insurance industry, called the shots.  First, I researched, reading articles and books on the subject and collecting first-hand accounts from other women who had birthed at home.  It didn't take long for me to feel sufficiently educated and empowered. Now, I just had to convince my husband.  He didn't take me seriously until I was near the end of my first trimester and had scheduled our first interview with a lay midwife. It took a lot of gentle persuasion and information, and finally, just my very firm declaration that I was NOT going to go through the unnecessary trauma of another hospital birth. Finally, he accepted the idea (it helped when our midwife explained that she and her assistant would clean up after the birth!), and we went forward as a team.

My pregnancy progressed fairly uneventfully, complicated only by the number of times I had to say "no thanks" to the myriad of procedures recommended by my OB. No, I didn't want repeated ultrasounds, and no, I really, really did not want an amnio. My OB, whom I really like but whom I knew could not endorse a homebirth, did not know I was planning a homebirth, but my midwife was perfectly fine with my getting "double care" by seeing my OB. It was a partially a concession to my husband's lingering anxiety but mainly a convenience in case a hospital birth became necessary for some unlikely reason (our local hospital was known for being less than friendly to mothers who were admitted for emergency reasons without being under the care of an obstetrician).   We told very few people about our plans, only dropping clues to those friends and family who wouldn't "freak out" about our decision.  Though my own parents pretty much figured things out for themselves shortly before the birth, only a handful of people really knew, and they were the ones we knew we could count on for unqualified and enthusiastic support.

For the first time, I went all the way to my due date, and then past it.  I was miserable and grumpy waiting for labor to begin in earnest, because I'd been having six weeks of daily contractions that felt very "real" but went nowhere.  As it turned out, my first stage of labor was six weeks long!  On a Thursday evening, as I sat at my computer, replying to all the emails asking if I'd "had the baby yet," I coughed.  My water broke at my feet, just like in the movies.  This was a first too!  My husband had just walked in the door from work, and I sent him right back out again to the drug store, to get the last couple of items I'd suddenly realized were missing from the birth kit I'd been putting together.  Meanwhile, I changed the sheets on the bed, got supper for my other two children, cleaned out my bathtub (where I hoped to give birth), and called my midwife.  I told her not to hurry; after all, my previous labors had been 13 and 9 hours long.  Well, guess what?  Yep, another first.  This labor, or what was left of it after the weeks of early contractions, was already almost over. In another two hours, my son would be in my arms.

Waiting for my midwife, I soaked in the tub and listened to my birth hypnosis tape. It worked well for about an hour, and I never experienced the severity of back labor pains I'd felt before. But suddenly, my contractions seemed much longer, with hardly a break in between.  So much for hypnosis - there was no way to ignore that the pains were becoming incredibly intense.  It had to be transition, I remember telling my husband, though I couldn't believe it was happening so quickly. My husband called the midwife again and said maybe she'd better hurry after all.  She was already on her way but still more than half an hour from our house.  Luckily, her assistant was closer.  She literally ran up our sidewalk, into the house and up the stairs, burst into our bathroom and grabbed a pair of gloves while I screamed "I HAVE TO PUSH NOW!"  I expected her to say what the hospital staff had always said before, something like "well, first the doctor has to come check to see how far you're dialated now." Instead, that wonderful angel said to me "Well honey, if you have to push, PUSH."  Quickly, she checked the baby's heart, without my having to get out of the tub. I hollered to my husband to run down and turn up the television and see if my dad had arrived to take care of the kids. Then, I gave a little "test push" while squatting and then flipped over to my hands and knees.  One huge push, and I felt the baby's head crowning.  "That's his head!" I screamed.  "Yes, it is," said my midwife, still out of breath herself and not believing how quickly things were happening.  But she was ready to catch the baby, and out he came with the next push.  Oh wow, that sudden feeling of instant relief!  And the high I felt from having given birth in that way.  I couldn't even see my baby yet, but I was ecstatic.  But my poor husband, who'd been so eager to see our baby born - he missed it all in the time it took to walk down two flights of stairs and back up again! When he walked back in the bathroom door, the baby was already out!

Carefully, I turned back over while the midwife worked the baby and his umbilical cord so that we were all finally in a comfortable position, with the baby in my arms.  We left the water out of the tub, so we could judge how much I was bleeding, and covered the baby and me with towels to keep us warm.  We called the midwife on her cell phone to tell her she'd missed the birth but that we were fine.  Five minutes later she walked in the door laughing.  After all, I was the one who'd told her not to hurry!!  We moved to the spare bedroom I'd had ready, and the midwife and assistant checked us both out from head to toe.  Everything was great. The baby was beautiful, and I felt SO GOOD.  Just knowing that no one was going to be bothering me or my baby with unnecessary tests or procedures, that no one would hassle us about our choices or concerns - it was such a huge relief.  I could just focus on the joy of being with my family and getting to know my new little son. 

Soon came the fun of calling all of our friends and family and telling them about the birth "that just happened so fast that we weren't able to make it to the hospital."  And, as it turned out, we really were telling the truth. I can't help but think that it must have happened the way it did for a reason - had we not planned a homebirth, we might have had a car-birth instead! 

Apart from the gift of giving me three beautiful children, each of my births has been such a blessing for its own reasons.  The c-section allowed me to learn so much, mainly in hindsight, about myself and my attitudes.  I am SO different than I was back then, and I am grateful for what that experience did to help me grow.  My VBAC was such a triumph, and it gave me the confidence to help empower and encourage other women.  My homebirth - well, there really are just no words to adequately describe it.  It was my flag-on-Mount-Everest moment.  It was a gift I gave to my baby and one he - and two wonderful midwives - gave to me.  For the rest of my life, I will think of it as a dream come true.

Please send your birth story to Lara@ABetterChildbirth.com.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Copyright 2002 A Better Childbirth, Inc.